Is Jazz Music Unsafe for Kids?
Some recent news articles may finally support the theory that jazz music isn't safe for young kids:
- A PowerBar thrown from Kenny G's estate left a 9-year-old needing stitches (Seattlist) - I love what Seattlist thinks happened:
[Kenny G sits in his kitchen, scooping up organic hummus with celery sticks and reading Yoga Journal]
Ghost of Louis Armstrong: Hey asshole. I'm back!
Kenny G: Gack! Stop visiting me Ghost of Louis Armstrong! I'm sorry I dubbed my shitty sax playing over your version of "It's a Wonderful World!"
Ghost of Louis Armstrong: Too bad. You fouled my music forever. Would Bob Ross put a fluffy little cloud over Guernica? Would Ethan Hawke stick a Reality Bites reference in "Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking"? No! Tonight you dine in hell! [advances towards Kenny]
Kenny G: AAAHHH! [Reaches into snack dish on granite-topped kitchen counter] Eat Kisses, Satchmo! Eat Kisses!!!!
Ghost of Louis Armstrong: NOOOOOOO! [Floats out onto lawn]
Kenny G: [Winds up for super long throw] Eat PowerBar, you gravelly-voiced phantom!
Nine-Year-Old Brooke Porter: Ow, my fucking head!
Kenny G and Ghost of Louis Armstrong: Oh shit! [Run/float away]
SCENE
- A van on the way to bassist Victor Wooten's jazz camp crashed in Nashville - sadly, the driver was killed, but thankfully no student fatalities (WMC-TV)